Consequences of Stress on Children’s Development

External stressors for children may include separation from family or a change in family composition whether that be through the birth or adoption of a new sibling or loss of a sibling or family member. Both can cause a child to feel uncomfortable.

I was born in March of 1978, I lived with my mother and older brother, he was 2 years older than myself. I have no personal memory of that time of my life so I spoke to my brother about what he remembers and the story was heartbreaking.

This is a long story but for the purpose of the assignment I will provide the shortend version. . .

At the age of one my mother dropped my brother with our aunt and grandmother for the weekend. She took me with her and although that seemed odd to my aunt she didn't think twice about it. Life continued as usual and when it came time for my mother to come pick up my brother Aunt April got him ready. Mother came and picked him up but I was not with her. As it turned out she traveled to Montana and to visit with some friends but when she went home she did not take me home with her she left me in MT. Questions were asked at home as to where I was and why I was not around. My mother had very few answers. After about a month of not returning for me the friends contacted my mother and asked if she intended to come back. When she said no she had no intention of returning for me they asked her to sign over parental rights so they could put me up for adoption. After doing so I was put into the foster care system where I was moved from foster home to foster home until Catholic Social Servioce could find me a home and family. I was finally adopted at the age of two and a half. During this time my brother was left with no idea or answers as to where his little sister went and why she was not at home with him and mom. I asked him how he felt during this time and he said scared and very confused. He said he lived with the thought that if he misbehaved she might decide to send him away too. His childhood was spent dealing with the feeling of anger and loss, he compared it to the death of a sibling since all je knew was I was gone and not coming back anytime soon. His answers came at the age of 16 when he went to my aunt and asked the questions that had been bother him for years. Aunt April told him that when mom had gone to MT she had made the decision to give me up for adoption. We did not discuss the details of the conversation past that because it brings up a lot of anger on his part and sadness on my part.

I also dealt with issues of abandonment and the feeling of not belonging. I grew up questioning why no one wanted me and what I had done wrong to be given away. As a result of being given away after spending the first year with my mother I hadpve had to deal with attachment issues because in the back of my mind I was waiting for people to leave me. As a protective measure my mind and heart had a hard time getting attatched and when I finally did feel comfortable I worried all the time that that person would leave me.

This experience effect my brother and myself in a negative manner both in regar to our cognitive and psychosocial development. My brother had the memories of his little sister and the me worked of losing me and not knowing until a much later age what exactly had happens and why. His emotional development was compromised because he had a hard time trusting and his family. I dealt with issues because since I was small but not a newborn when this happened I had bonded with my mother, brother, and other family before I was torn away and forced to build and bond with complete strangers. My imagination ran with thought of what could have been and questions of why as well as my perceptions of relationships being tainted because of the feeling confusion and not knowing where I truly belonged.

Adoption in other parts of the world is similar to the process families go through in the U.S. For instance in Mexico a child that is given up for adoption is place in a prospective home in a trial stay and during this time the agency involved makes sure that the situation will prove to be in the best interest of the child and family. The Mexican government make every effort possible to place the child with a Mexican family but if that is not possible then the the agency will begin looking at the option foreign adoption. Families coming from out of the country are required to spend a period of time in Mexicio getting to know the child before the adoption can be finalized. This is done so that the family can get ti know the child in surroundings that are familiar to the child. For the benefit of the child the agency makes sure that the care the child will receive will provide the best possible outcome for the child.

In the end I found my brother when I was 19 years old and we are building a relationship that is wonderful. We are trying to make up lost time and get to know each other as much as possible since that opportunity was taken away from us when we were young. We both have dealt with issues as an effect of the adoption not all of them positive but we are both trying to get past the anger etc and enjoy the time we have now.